Are Manners a Thing of the Past?

Manners Are A Must

So you can't figure out why your kid talks back, doesn't seem to be able to want to follow directions, won't go to sleep at night, and makes everything into a battle. Your sweet child has just asked for a glass of milk in the middle of dinner without saying please and demanded that you wash out his cup first. And you do it without saying a word!

It's time to beef up your manners. And if your child is approaching age five it may be more of a challenge. Remember by age five children have already developed much of their character. 

It's important to start on manners from the time a child is born. (I suggest practicing well before that) And being consistent will help everyone transition more smoothly when your child hits the terrible twos. If you feel like a broken record - it means you are doing it right and thats when you should begin to see some positive results. So don't give up, keep enforcing and encouraging your child's etiquette.

Concentrate on the basics, such as excuse me, please and thank you and use them whenever there is an opportunity to do so.

Try this: Count the times you stop to encourage and remind your child to use his manners within the span of thirty minutes. Then count up the times you have done the same. Hopefully the numbers are high and fairly close. the point is the more you use your manners, the more it will naturally become a part of your child's habits.

If you are not actively giving reminders every time you and your child engage, then beef up your etiquette efforts by plenty of your own good example and lots of kind encouragement. Always keep it gentle and fun.

Whenever a request comes in from your child (and as parents we know this can be a hundred wants in the course of a day) teach your child to say "May I please..." before whatever it is that he needs. It does take  a little extra time to do this,  it is not easy, but there is nothing like hearing your child use his manners for the first time without a prompt.

Remember, bad habits developed from lack of etiquette exercise are so much harder to undo later on.

Teach your child to say "Excuse me," every time she comes to you and especially when it involves  an interruption. Explain that she might have to wait and that using 'excuse me' does not allow her your immediate attention, and that you will get to her soon, especially if you are busy or in another conversation. This will help your child to develop patience as well as trust. Be sure to follow through in a timely manner yourself. A two year old can wait two minutes, a three year three old can wait three minutes and so on. Remember it is not about the wait, it is about teaching respect.

Teach your child to use "thank you" every time  it applies and remember to use it yourself whenever possible. It is nice to be appreciated and you'll find that when your child starts reciprocating this little act of kindness to those around him, the courtesy will go a long, long way.

Good Luck!! Good Parenting!! Your kids are counting on you!  And thank you for taking the time to read. :)

Double Win-Win

The choice to sit on the jetty by the wonderful sea.

Papa gives the boys positive choices.

A child just wants to have a choice,

Much like we parents do.

A child wants to use his or her voice.

Isn’t that what we want too?

There are many occasions when young parents may fall into a power struggle  in the course of day-to-day life with a child. Everything from getting dressed to picking up their toys to getting into a car seat can be fraught with resistance on the part of a young child, especially when they begin to assert their independence.

While a parent has the ultimate say and has to keep safety and practicality in mind, there are ways you can give your child some say in the matter of how and when things happen by offering win-win choices. Allowing a child to earn a chance to make his or her own choice builds trust between the parent and the child and encourages a child to grow his confidence.

Here are some tips and real life examples to help you set your child up for success by giving your child the chance to choose without compromising your role as a parent and the goal at hand.

Potty Training: Every parent stresses over potty training, but I always say, “Don’t worry, the child will not be in a diaper by the time he or she is eighteen, I promise!” If you see your young child has to go, try not to confuse the child by bombarding him or her with too many options. Remain calm and direct and take action. Your child is depending on you to lead the way. At the same time a little choice can ease the power struggle you may encounter.

Lose-Lose Question: 


Do you have to/ want to go the bathroom? 


Don’t ask the question you already know the answer to, you could end up with a response that does not match the need.

Win–Win Question with Choice:

1. Do you want daddy to take you to the bathroom? or
2. Do you want mommy to take you to the bathroom?

Both answers get the child to the bathroom and yet allow the child a choice. If the child does not chose, make the choice for him or her and then take action in a calm and reassuring way. Do not go back and forth repeating the same question. Next time, repeat the same line of questioning and watch your child choose. Most children will want to chose before you make the choice for them.

Note * Never get angry at a child for having an accident. When a child is transitioning from diaper to the potty, and is wearing regular underpants, an accident may happen once or twice, but if you fall back on a diaper you will only prolong the transition out of diapers.  Send a clear message that you are there to help the child use the bathroom.

Dinnertime: Before it is time for dinner give your child a heads up so they can prepare. Making transitions is one of the hardest things to do for a young child.

Lose-Lose Question:

1.      Do you want to eat dinner? The child may respond with  “not now”, “I’m not hungry”, or “I don’t want to”; don’t open the door for those responses.

 Win-Win Question with Choice

1. Would you like the superman fork tonight? or
2. Would you like the big kid fork tonight?

Both answers gives the child the message that it is time to eat his or her dinner at the table, but also allows a choice. Again the child is empowered and trust and respect will build.

*Note:  Remember to ask the question so that the choice is something which will not jeopardize the goal. Offering a choice of which napkin or which cup still gets the message across that it is time for dinner.

Time for Bed: Sticking to the same ritual every night provides a measure of security for your child. Bath-time and story-time provide an easier transition to bedtime for a child, allowing for activity that will move the child towards winding down for sleep in a positive and comforting way.

Lose-Lose Question:

1. Are you tired?
2. Do you want to go to bed?

Again you are opening the door for the answer to be a resounding “No!”

Win-Win Question with Choice:

1.      Do you want to wear the elephant print pajamas? or

2.      Do you want to wear the pajamas with the stars on them?

The question provides a choice and also sets the clear message that it is time for bed.

*Note: Always keep the experience positive and light. Never use a child’s room as the place for punishment or time outs.

You can apply the Double Win-Win technique to just about any situation.  After all, children just want to have a little say in their lives just like we do as adults.

Good Luck! Good Parenting!!

Bon J